456

At eleven, when Jason started making time-to-go noises, Keith said,

“Hang on a tick.  I’ll come with you.  It’s not very busy. I’ll just go and talk to Tom.”

Jason stayed at the bar while Keith went out the back to Tom.

Tom came out with Keith.

“Look after Keitho, Jace.  With this murderer around.”  From which Jason gathered that Keith had told Tom all about Luigi and Cody and what had happened.

“With my life,” he replied, holding Tom’s gaze, no hint of a smile.

Tom’s eyes glinted. 

“Good.”  He shook Jason’s hand, the first time he’d done so, and then he kissed Keith deeply on the mouth in front of the whole bar.  It should have looked odd, a 50-plus man passionately kissing someone half his age, but instead Jason was absurdly touched.  We blokes think a lot about sex, he thought, but it’s love that connects us.  And then, but we do have complicated love lives.

On the pavement outside, Keith said,

“You want to go to my place instead of yours? It’s closer.  And more private.”

“Well, yeah, normally, but now that grandam is here, I’d like to see her for breakfast.”

“What about me?  Us?  Won’t she … you knaow?”

Jason stopped and turned to look at him.  He brushed his finger across Keith’s lips.

“She’s happy for me,” he said.  “She really truly accepts me.  She and my sister were the only people who understood about Brent and me.  It’ll be OK.”

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455

“Yeah.”

Jason waited for Keith to speak.

After what seemed like forever, Keith sighed and said, “Esmé.”

“You regret being … lovers?”

“Well, no.  Not at all.  Not in that way.  But I do regret hurting her.”

He was silent for a little while.  Just as he was about to speak, another crowd of men came up to the bar demanding drinks and food.  Keith leaned over towards Jason and whispered “I’ll tell you later,” squeezing Jason’s bum at the same time.  Jason got an instant erection.

“Hey, can I have one of those too?”  It was one of the crowd at the bar, a handsome blond man with a ripped t-shirt.

:Fuggeddit, sista,” said Keith, flipping his hands.  “Way beyond ya proice range, swaitie.”

“Yeah?  What does it cost?”

“Very, very expensive.  You havta be moi friend.”

“How can I do that?” asked the customer, grinning suggestively.

“You can start by shuttin’ the fuck up,” said Keith, compressing his lips and slitting his eyes.  “But we do naid somebody to work here.  Prove your ability by clainin’ the toilets.  The claining’ stuff’s in the cupboard.”  He pointed.

The other man just grinned again, raised his beer bottle in salute, and went away.

“Two things,” said Jason, when they had another moment of relative quietness.

“Yeah?”

“One.  You’re going to get beaten up one day.”

“Not if I have big macho you here, to put the frighteners on them.”

Jason’s eyes glinted.  “Aren’t you going to ask what the second thing is?”

Keith put his head on one side and stuck out his tongue.

“Two,” continued Jason firmly, “you’ve given me a hard-on.”

“Just as well wai’ll be able to solve that problem later, then, isn’t it?”

“You mean I must wait?” Jason’s tone was incredulous.

“Yeah.  My appointment book is full.  Lemme look.”  He flipped open an imaginary diary.  “Well fuck me sideways, it’s got some bloke Jason in here.  Who the fuck is he, I wonder.”  He winked.

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454

In the next quiet patch, Keith said to Jason,

“Ya’d girlfriends too, didn’t ya?”

“Yeah.  And a boyfriend at school.”

“Ya did?  What happened?”

“I think he was just randy.  I don’t know truly.  But he just moved on when he went to varsity.  As if all our intimacy and closeness was nothing. When we met by chance again … he was …. There was nothing between us.  I think I was starting to dislike that upper class stuff even then.  He was married and plump and obsessed with all that—you know, holidays in the right place, the right wife, the right suit, shoes from Church’s.”

“Church’s?”

“They make bespoke brogues.  Two or three thousand pounds a pair.”

“Amazin’.”

“And because of that … shit … I lost Brent.”  Jason was silent for a while.  Keith put his hand on Jason’s back.  It radiated warmth and comfort.

“We all make mistakes,” Keith said.

“That what grandam said when we talked about it at lunch.  But she never made mistakes.”

“OK, mate.  We might not all make mistakes, but we all have regrets, roight?”

“Yes.  True.  Mr Wisdom. Even you?”

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453

When Jason got there, The Lord Grey was busy, as it almost always was at that time of the evening.  He started work immediately. 

In a lull, he and Keith rested on the counter, side by side, their bodies touching.  It was comforting to be close to each other, a natural intimacy and companionship.

“D’ya think Cody and Lou will work it out?” asked Keith.

“I dunno.  Cody is bi.  He’ll need women.  Or anyway, lust after them.”

“Well, I like women too.  I dunno.  I kinda think that if my dad hadn’t chucked me out, I’d still be there, straight.”

“I thought he threw you out because you were gay?” asked Jason, close enough to Keith to feel the warmth of his body, to smell his body, fresh and older sweat after a day of work, Keith’s own essence.  Being there with him at that time seemed exactly right.  Perfect. 

“There is that,” conceded Keith.

Their conversation was interrupted by several blokes coming up at the same time to the bar for drinks.  Jason wondered why it always happened like that, like starlings or pigeons.

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452

After, they talked of less fraught topics—the perfect autumn weather, the beauty of the scenery, the food and the wine.

On the way home, Lucasta dozed.  Eleanor drove.  She had been careful to have only two glasses of champagne over lunch, so that she was still safe to drive.

“I should get an Ozzie driving licence,” Jason observed.

“Do you have a UK licence?”

“Yes, but it’s not valid here.”

“Yes it is.  For a while, anyway, as far as I know.  Until it expires or until you change citizenship.”

“I didn’t know.  It’s valid for another five years, then.  That’s good news.  I thought I would have to take my driving test again.  All that palaver.”

“Well, you will, but not for the next few years.”

“I’ll be able to borrow Keith’s car.  He doesn’t use it that much because he lives near to the pub.”

“You could borrow this car.”

Jason turned to look at Eleanor.

“You’ve been very kind to me already,” he murmured.

“Nonsense.  It’s a pleasure having you.”

Jason knew she was lonely, and often oppressed by thoughts of Bart and his suicide.  She thinks of me as her son, he thought.  Why not?  She means more to me than my real mother.

He smiled at her.  “Well, when you’re not using it.  But public transport here is so good, like London, I don’t feel the lack of a car.  It’s just that one of these days, I’d like to go and see the countryside, drive up to Sydney.”

“You must take the route along the coast.  It’s quite lovely.  All those deserted beaches.”

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More episodes soon!

I haven't written anything, really, for a while.  Lots of reasons; health, depression, time.  But I am in writing mode again, have written several episodes of Majorca Flats, enough to post one a day for week, and in fact I'll be posting one later today.  Thanks for your patience.

Plus I'm working on another writerly project which has me really enthused.  I'll keep you posted.

451

“He’s was such a dear lad.  So funny and clever and wise.  But he was, well, sensitive.  No, let me be truthful.  He was a little effeminate.  But such a joy to be with, so bright and lovely.  And then he started to lose his sparkle. At first, you know, I didn’t worry.  Teenagers can be so moody.  It’s such a difficult and awkward time.  But it got worse.  I guessed he was being bullied at school.  I asked him about it but I … I didn’t think I should intervene.  I thought he should be toughened up.  Which is another way of saying, “made more manly”.  May God forgive me!”  She stopped and stared out over the peaceful vineyards.  Very quietly, she said,  “ One day he hanged himself.”

“My dear!” said Lucasta softly and put her hand on the other woman’s. 

Jason watched the two old ladies in silence, wanting, as he had the first time he’d heard the story, to weep, to howl at the universe, to strike and thump the haters.

The waiter arrived with more champagne, and topped up their glasses.

There was a long silence.  At last, Jason said, “Well you both know about me and Brent.”  “My own selfish stupidity!”

Jason didn’t expect either woman to disagree with him.  His grandmother wasn’t the kind of woman not to face facts, and nor was Eleanor.  For all their kindness and compassion there was a bleak resolution at the heart of their characters, the kind of character strength that comes from loss faced with courage. 

His grandmother said, “We all make mistakes, Jason my dear, mistakes which we wish with all our hearts we could undo.”

He smiled at her.  “I don’t believe you ever made a mistake in your life, grandam!”

She just smiled at him.

“Come!” she said.  “Let us toast something and be happy.  To friends and family!”

They raised their glasses and echoed her toast.  The champagne was pale gold in the flutes, and caught the afternoon sun which slanted through the French doors nearby.

 “You are both, to me,” said Jason, looking in turn at the two women.  Very moved, they both raised their glasses to him, but didn’t speak.

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