Cody lay in Luigi’s arms listening to him breathe. What was true, he wondered. He’d been unfaithful to his wife, and he loved her, deeply. Yet he had sneaked out to pick up men, he had had sex with men. And sex was so intimate. Worse, he had shared his soul with Philippa, and she with him, and now, maybe they would never meet again. Would he ever see his children? He loved Luigi, but he loved Philippa too. Luigi had been forgiving and patient, but he’d seen the occasional flashes of irritation in Luigi’s eyes at his grief and doubts. Without Luigi he had nothing. Nothing. But what did he have with Luigi? Did Luigi still love him? What if Luigi stopped loving him? He had, if nothing else, Luigi’s friends, yet even there, they were Luigi’s champions not his. Jason had made it plain that if Cody ever hurt Luigi he would have him to answer too. But he wouldn’t hurt Luigi. Would he? What if Philippa said she would have him back? Would he go back? Could he promise he would never again have sex—fall in love—with another man? And if Luigi had fallen out of love with him, what then?
Like Lucasta Ellesmere, he fell into a disturbed sleep, but his dreams were about running through a forest in the dark in despair, trying to escape a killer.