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Thursday, 4 September 2014


A blunder, thought Lucasta to herself.  So stupid of me I do rattle on and then I say silly things becoming quite senile really though I remember Elaine at school being quite sharp with me when I said something silly whatever happened to her and why should I remember her after all these years good grief.   I’d better talk it over with Jason tomorrow and see whether I’ve done too much damage it’s like coming out I suppose and finding that people look at your differently well in the end perhaps there is nothing you can do about that because in the end you can’t control other people’s perceptions of you because you just are what you are and that’s that.  Poor lamb he can’t deny what he is, and I think it’s been easier for him to tell people that’s he’s gay though the way he was looking at the dear girl Esmé was quite ungay come to think of it I wonder what’s going on there well at least she’s not a fortune hunter because she doesn’t know about his money and she looked so sad I wonder what that’s about so much suffering was there less when we were young?

She fretted into a dream-filled sleep, in which she wandered empty castles filled with presences which weren’t quite ghosts but were also un-benign.

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