400

When she went back to school the next day and told Sean she couldn’t after all go out with him, she hadn’t told him why.  When she tried to say even something as simple as ‘my father won’t allow it,’ she’d choked up.  She’d almost wept at the way the light went out of his eyes as he realised what she was telling him.  She hadn’t been surprised when he’d avoided her after. 

But it hadn’t stopped her dad.

Her one friend was Luke, a geeky gay loner in her class.  He was fat and embarrassed by it.  No one liked him, and the rugby players and the macho handsome sporty types made his life a misery, plastering his locker with dog shit, cuffing him as he walked past, calling out softly and then in a rising crescendo as he approached, “Beware homo!  Beware homo!  Lukie fagpants.”  She never took him home.  She knew better than that.  But they would meet at the shopping centre, and have an ice cream shake.  Sometimes it was the only thing she ate all day, though it wasn’t the only thing he ate.  Part of her was wryly intrigued that her response to misery was to eat nothing while his was to eat everything, all the time.  Her dad had once found a fold of fat on her while he was fucking her and twisted it hard and called her a fat lesbo fuck and after that she had stopped eating.

Aside from Luke, she had no other friends.

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399

“Let’s go home,” suggested Luigi to Cody, after they’d finished helping with the clean up after breakfast.

Home? thought Cody.  Where is that?  But he didn’t speak.

“Your medical certificate might have come.  The doctor said he would send it to my address.”

“Maybe ….”

“What?”

“Maybe I should just … resign.  I dunno that I can face them if the truth comes out.”

“Is it a good job?  Pay and stuff?”

“It’s all right.  Not a fortune.  But enough.  Phillippa”— he swallowed and looked away—“she … the house was given to us by her parents … so we …. There was enough money.  Even though I didn’t earn a lot.”

Luigi wondered how to put what he was going to ask next.  “Will she ask for maintenance?”

“She’s  very … yeah.”

“Will you fight that?”

“No.  Not for the kids.  My kids.  I … I want to be …”  He broke off, unable to speak.

Luigi waited, patiently.

“I want to be part of their life.  Just because …. You know … and I love them.  And … well … maybe I can trade, you know, maintenance for access.”

Luigi was quietly angry.  Not against Cody.  Against society.  Cody had a right to see his children, to love them.  Just because Cody was gay, didn’t mean that he’d lost that right.

“Well, let’s go and see whether the medical certificate is there and then we can think about phoning your work.  One step at a time.  We’ll make it.”

Taking Cody’s hand he led him through to where Eleanor was sitting.

“Mrs Cumberledge, we’re off now.  Thank you for the party last night and breakfast this morning.”

“Oh, do call me Eleanor, Luigi.  ‘Mrs Cumberledge’ sounds so formal.”

He smiled at her.  “All right.  Thank you.  And thank you for … your support.”

Cody looked at her and said, all at once overcome with shyness, “Yes, thank you.  I … it helped.”

She took the hand Luigi wasn’t holding and squeezed it.  “Do come again, Cody.  Soon. You’re very welcome here.” 

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395

The Watcher was again monitoring the group sitting in the sun in the garden opposite.  A Nest of Evil, he thought with satisfaction.  Vipers and scorpions.  The two old ladies no better than the twinks.  Encouraging evil ways and abominations.  They should have forbidden the twinks the house until they’d accepted Jesus and given up their gayness.  Instead, they encouraged it.  Look at them laughing together!  Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power.

He would extirpate the lot of them, corrupt homo filth.  

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Majorca Flats -- 296

 “It's worse, Coads. With one …. this is so … fuck …. Coads, I …. I fucking went back to him. Got beaten up again. And one day a friend from the gay help line took me to one side and said it was no good for me. I'd kept on making up lies about how I'd got injured.�?

“Why did you go back, Lou?�?

“I worked it out. After I met Keith and Jason. We talked about a lot. In between the sex.�? He looked at Cody as he said this, and took Cody's hand in his. For a moment or two he was silent. “See, I sort of hated myself. Deep down. I thought being gay was wrong. Even my grandma, she loves me and accepts me, but she doesn't really get it. So I looked for ways to punish myself. Not consciously, you understand,�? he said, as Cody looked as if he was going to speak. “Subconsciously. From deep in my past. You know what it's like, the straight guys at school, the way gay stuff is wrong and taboo and despised. And what happened is that I realised what was going on. Keith and Jason as so … I dunno … so manly. So straight-acting. But they are happy to … well fuck me and let me fuck them. They don't even notice I'm queeny. They ….�?

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