491

“Lou, love.  I’m sorry.”  Cody’s voice shook.

“For what?”

“For hurting you so much.”

Yeah, well, thought Luigi, with a bitterness which left a taste in his mouth and made him swallow, I’ve got to get past this.  Somehow.  

“Relationships—marriages—strengthen through crises.  If you work at it,” he said, trying hard to conceal his cynical doubts.  “So let’s work at it.”

“What about …. ?”

“What?”

“Jason and Keith?”

“We’re friends.”

“And what am I?”

“When you … when I found out about … that you were married … I was lonely.  And sad.  And … Jace and Key are kind and generous and loving.  They’re my friends.  They’ve got my back.  We love each other.  Not like I loved you.  But like friends or, maybe”—Luigi didn’t have a brother so he didn’t know, in truth—“like brothers.”

“But you fuck them.”

“Yeah.  Just like you were doing with me and other blokes while you were still married,” Luigi reminded him tartly.

“I know,” mumbled Cody, his head turned away.  “It’s just …. I’m afraid … I’m …”

Luigi was immediately ashamed of his anger.  Cody had been abducted, raped, terrorised and had escaped murder by the tiniest margin.  He needed compassion not to be shouted at.

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399

“Let’s go home,” suggested Luigi to Cody, after they’d finished helping with the clean up after breakfast.

Home? thought Cody.  Where is that?  But he didn’t speak.

“Your medical certificate might have come.  The doctor said he would send it to my address.”

“Maybe ….”

“What?”

“Maybe I should just … resign.  I dunno that I can face them if the truth comes out.”

“Is it a good job?  Pay and stuff?”

“It’s all right.  Not a fortune.  But enough.  Phillippa”— he swallowed and looked away—“she … the house was given to us by her parents … so we …. There was enough money.  Even though I didn’t earn a lot.”

Luigi wondered how to put what he was going to ask next.  “Will she ask for maintenance?”

“She’s  very … yeah.”

“Will you fight that?”

“No.  Not for the kids.  My kids.  I … I want to be …”  He broke off, unable to speak.

Luigi waited, patiently.

“I want to be part of their life.  Just because …. You know … and I love them.  And … well … maybe I can trade, you know, maintenance for access.”

Luigi was quietly angry.  Not against Cody.  Against society.  Cody had a right to see his children, to love them.  Just because Cody was gay, didn’t mean that he’d lost that right.

“Well, let’s go and see whether the medical certificate is there and then we can think about phoning your work.  One step at a time.  We’ll make it.”

Taking Cody’s hand he led him through to where Eleanor was sitting.

“Mrs Cumberledge, we’re off now.  Thank you for the party last night and breakfast this morning.”

“Oh, do call me Eleanor, Luigi.  ‘Mrs Cumberledge’ sounds so formal.”

He smiled at her.  “All right.  Thank you.  And thank you for … your support.”

Cody looked at her and said, all at once overcome with shyness, “Yes, thank you.  I … it helped.”

She took the hand Luigi wasn’t holding and squeezed it.  “Do come again, Cody.  Soon. You’re very welcome here.” 

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Majorca Flats -- 294

“But you did." Luigi was curt.

Cody didn't reply.

Luigi glanced at him, and he could see that Cody was weeping silently, staring out of the window, swallowing the sound of his tears.

There was a BP freeway garage just ahead, and Luigi turned into it.

He
pulled over at the far edge of the concrete apron, as far as possible from judgemental sightseers and undid his seatbelt. He put his arms round Cody. He didn't speak, just hugged him. Cody put his head on Luigi's shoulder and sobbed.

After five or six minutes, Cody lifted his head off Luigi's shoulder and gave him a watery smile. “Sorry," he muttered.

Luigi cupped Cody's head with his hand. “I meant it," he said, “I do love you. But … Coads love, you have a wife and a child. And maybe it'll work out." Cody shook his head without speaking. “You never know, love," insisted Luigi. “And what then? Is she going to be happy if you go on seeing me? Are you going to lie to her?" He let go of Cody and stared through the window at a jet taking off from the airport a few kilometres away. “When … I found out about it … I thought of all this. I thought of how I keep on falling for straight men and I keep on having my heart broken. And you know what?"

Cody made a small interrogatory murmur.

“I did it all over again. I went to the park, you know, Carlton Gardens near my flat and I picked up Jason. He was so macho and hot. I called him 'straightboy' and he called me 'gayboy'. But he was kind to me, and gentle."

“Is he straight?"

“No, I don't think so. I think he can do it with a woman. But he's basically gay."

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