515

He heard his grandmother come into the sitting room.

She looked at him, worry in her eyes, but as usual she spoke around what concerned her.

“Eleanor and I are such fans of Amantha Masterton. Her and yes I know it’s a he but I still feel that she is a she and I know it will all become clear when I meet him I’m getting into such a muddle like that time in France when your Grandfather had a funny turn on the Metro and I couldn’t think straight and forgot all my French which is ridiculous since I learnt it as a child from dear Mde Bertrand so kind I had quite forgotten her till this very instant and I forgot all my French too which was most awkward because I kept on calling for “docteur, docteur” but of course it’s médécin I went quite dilly with worry.”  She was looking at him now with great anxiety and he knew his grief was showing clearly on his face.  He answered her unuttered question.

“I was thinking about Brent, grandam.  I’ve made new friends here, far more than I thought I would.  And I’m very fond of them.  But …”

“Quite.  I used to go round the house looking for things which reminded me of your grandfather but it was silly I knew it was just that it all helped.  I had rather a row with Canon Green about it and the justice of God there’s some word for it which I forget—“

“—theodicy—“ interjected Jason.

“—well there you are exactly such a strange word like Theodore who was a friend when I was up at Oxford and come to think of it I’m sure he was queer but he was a very dear man.   Where was I?”

Jason wondered which of all these effusions she would fix on.  His lips quirked up a little.  As usual, his grandmother had improved his mood.  Her good-humoured babble and her underlying love and care warmed his heart.

She continued without waiting for his answer.  “Oh yes, quite so, theo-whatsit and Life which seems to me to be another word for God but Canon Green disagreed and he is so passionate about God’s Love and was quite discomforted by my mentioning Job which always seems to me to be a very bleak view of the world and of God so duplicitous and really one shouldn’t do good just because there is some reward on earth or in heaven so complicated but because you must.  In the end, you know, it was you and Amanda and Mark and my friends and Parker who helped me recover after your grandfather’s death.  And your friends will help you and it’s good you’ve made them.”  She smiled tentatively at him.

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Episodes 1 to 500 (without pictures, 20 episodes per chapter)   

460

Esmé and Keith met again that night, after the café and the bar had closed.  They went back to his flat and made love.  And again the night after.  But the night after that, Esmé wasn’t working.  She wished she worked every night at the café, so that she could meet Keith every night.  She knew she shouldn’t monopolise him but she couldn’t help herself.  He made her happy.  She knew somewhere inside that he was gay.  But he was so loving to her that she thought he’d changed, that he loved her so much that he’d set aside his gayness to be with her.  That he was no longer interested in men. 

Even though she wasn’t working, she decided she’d go down to the bar and surprise him.   She normally cycled to work, but she decided to take the tram.  It took her a little longer than she’d thought.  As she stepped down from the tram at the stop just before The Lord Grey, she caught sight of Keith.  He had his back to her.  He was pressed up against another man, kissing him, his hands gripping the other bloke’s buttocks, his groin grinding against the other man’s. 

She turned quickly and walked away from the bar.  She didn’t want Keith to see her shame.  Her humiliation was complete.

She caught the tram home and let herself in as quietly as she could.  She did not want Luke to see her like this.  In the privacy of her room, she took the razor and cut deeply into her arms.  Stupid!  she said to herself, angry, as she did it.  Stupid!  You knew you could never be happy.  You knew that it would all be taken from you.  You knew that.  But still you hoped.  Fool!  Cretin!  Idiot!

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Episodes 1 to 260 (without pictures, 10 episodes per chapter  

449

“Yes, I feel that about Bolt, too.”

“I’ll look after him, Eleanor.  You don’t have to worry.”

Eleanor gave him a sad smile.  She had been put into a melancholy mood by the memories which crowded into her head. 

“Well, one day you’ll go back to England,” she said.

“No.  Not to live.  To visit grandam and my sister.  Yes.  But … no.  I want to stay here.  People here … people have made me welcome.  I’ve made some true friends.  Eleanor, I feel at home here.  As if I have a new family.  Who love me for what I am, or anyway, despite what I am, without judging.  You, and Key and Lou and Esmé.  Australians have been so welcoming and kind.”  He looked at his grandmother.  “You know what mum’s like, grandam.”

“So fussed about status and who you know and who you are but in the end what matters is who loves you and who is your friend your real friend.  I loved your grandfather very much but that was more because we were thrown together and I loved him though he could be tiresome but the basis was always love though it helped that we were from the same circles but with you and Brent I could see how much you loved it other and I just wish …”

Jason couldn’t speak.  He smiled at her, his eyes wet.

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Episodes 1 to 260 (without pictures, 10 episodes per chapter