As they drove down the freeway into the city, Cody spoke, carefully, in a tone calculated not to be aggressive or disagreeable. “Lou, love, I dunno how homo I am.”
Luigi sighed to himself. Not this again, he thought. “Yeah, I know,” he said aloud. Don’t I just!
“How do your mates Jason and Keith cope?” Cody asked, his voice and his whole demeanour humble.
I don’t want him to be grateful and humble, thought Luigi. I want him to be confident and strong. Jeez! I’m so mixed up. I liked him better when he was arrogant and charming. What a tool I am! Always looking for a man who’ll do me down and desert me in the end! Idiot!
“Why don’t we ask them?” he said out loud, trying not to show his disparate feelings. “They’re nice blokes, Coads. They’re not afraid to talk about stuff. Both of them have been through very bad things … and it’s made them … I dunno …. Wiser. Kinder. Thing is, Coads love, I’m a homo through and through. There is no way I could get it up with a woman.” Cody put his hand on Luigi’s knee and muttered something. Luigi ploughed on. “But Jace and Key? Well, I think Key is maybe more straight than gay. He has sex with men because he likes sex. But also, I think he’s half in love with Jason. And Jason is still in love with his guy in England who killed himself …” Cody murmured something, but again Luigi overrode it. He wanted to say this. “… and I think he’s more gay than straight but he has had girlfriends, he said. He likes sex too, but what he wants is … love. What he had with his guy in England.”
“D’you think he’ll find it? Again, I mean.”
“I dunno. He’s very fond of me and Keith. I dunno that it’s love, though. What he had with his cricket player was. It was special.” Luigi was silent for a while, negotiating a difficult intersection with traffic lights and two tram routes. “Maybe there is just one or two great loves in your life, Cody. Maybe all the others are different. Not that you don’t love them but when you are in love it’s an obsession. Almost like a mania. A madness. A heavenly madness while it lasts, but definitely not completely sane.”
Episodes 1 to 460 (without pictures, 20 episodes per chapter)