428

Cody slipped a cock jacket onto Luigi’s boner and kissed it again.  He slathered it generously with lube and then lowered himself onto it, his head thrown back, his gaze on the ceiling.  Luigi loved the tight warmth of Cody’s body.  He’d always loved it, from their first time.  And it had always pleased him that Cody was prepared to let Luigi fuck him.  Luigi was used to straight-acting men who were of the opinion that bottoming was proof that you weren’t a real man.  With them, Luigi was always the one who had to act the “woman’s part”.  He didn’t mind the bottoming—he liked that.  But he realised now how much he hated the implicit assumptions behind it.  “The passive partner”  Fuck that!  What he liked about bottoming was the pleasure he brought to the man who was fucking him, even more than the pleasure he got himself.  He loved tightening his arse at just the right moment, pushing his partner over the edge, watching his eyes darken as he came.

 And all at once he knew that that was part of what drew him to Jason and Keith, that even when they were role-playing in bed, it wasn’t about some kind of poisonous self-hating internalised homophobia.  It was about love.  Maybe not la grande passion.  Not ‘in love’.  But a sort of fierce affection and friendship.  All the clichés of modern society were about love, het love, wedding dresses and rings and bridal showers.  But the love they had for each other was much more substantial.  It was a love which was neither blind nor self-deceiving but still intense and profound.

He wasn’t sure about what he had with Cody, though.  He had been in love with Cody.  But were they really friends?  Did they really trust and accept each other?  Would their love survive the loss of passion?  Luigi’s relationship with Richard had been passionless.  They had comfort fucks once or twice a week.  But they had all the same loved each other genuinely and totally, and though Luigi had often lusted after strange men, because he’d felt the absence of passion, towards the end, when Richard and he had become a couple, he’d not indulged his desires.  After Richard had died he’d gone back to the hunt, lust—and, now, he acknowledged to himself—also the need to connect driving him to the ultimately empty, sometimes dangerous, pursuit of a chimera.

Never again, he swore.  I have Keith and Jason and, Goddess willing, Cody too.  

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