|The Nightmare, by Henry Fuseli|
Cody thought he would sleep easily and deeply. Yet it was Luigi who slept, while he lay awake thinking about what had happened. What if he hadn't gone to that pub when he had? What if he had picked on another victim? What if he'd never met Lou? What if? What if? But it hadhappened. He had been targeted. He had been violated and nearly killed. The whole nightmare had really happened. He thought back to his terror-fuelled run through the forest. Was it less that 24 hours ago? He didn't think he would ever forget that panicked headlong race through the dark. Banging into trees, tripping over branches. Thank God he'd been fit. Running and gymming and swimming, and really, he'd done all that hard work to keep buff so he could pick up blokes. He felt the tears come to his eyes as he thought of Philippa. Would he ever see her again? Did he still love her? He wanted to turn over, to thrash around, to kick and scream. But he couldn't. Luigi's arm was over him, and his body warm against his back. Luigi loved him. Didn't he? Or did he? Maybe he only felt pity for him now. Now that he'd seen how weak and vulnerable he was. Can you love somone you pity? You feel sorry for? Maybe, thought Cody, maybe you can. But can you desire them? Don't you need to look up to someone, to respect them to desire them? But then he thought about whores. Whores were desired, right, but not respected? But did he want to be Luigi's bitch? He'd thought they were friends as well as lovers. That Luigi cared for and loved him as much as he did. But now he doubted.
And through it all ran the thread that if he hadn't been out whoring, none of this would have happened. God was punishing him. Because he'd sinned.
Episodes 1 to 260 (without pictures, 10 episodes per chapter