427

Cody stretched and yawned, then lifted his head and smiled at Luigi.  His face was creased in that way you get when you have slept deeply, and his eyes, for the first time since Luigi had picked him up on Mt Macedon, were empty of horror.  Luigi knew that this was just a temporary respite, that the memories and the blame would return, but he was certain that Cody had passed the turning point and would get slowly better.

“You didn’t cum,” Cody said.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me!”  And he moved his head down to Luigi’s groin. 

Luigi was instantly rigid.  He remembered 6 o’clock winter’s evenings, when Cody would come round after work, and they would make love in the warmth of the tangled sheets, the rain teeming down outside, the streets wet and reflecting the lights, their bodies fitting together, their hearts open and filled with love.  Except, thought Luigi, bitterness like vomit in his throat, he went home to Phillippa afterwards.  And lied to her.  And to me.  He pushed those thoughts out of his head.  The two of them were here, now, together.  It might work out.  He would try very hard to make sure it worked out.  Because he had promised himself and the Goddess that he would,

“Is your lube still here?” asked Cody, reaching for the top drawer of the bedside table.

Luigi nodded.

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425

“But that’s the point, see, Co.  Jace and Key have shown me that … well, it doesn’t matter if I’m a clothes-obsessed queen.  What matters is that I’m me.  And they are my friends for me, no matter how I dress or swish around.”

“If you weren’t so beautiful, would they be so forgiving?”

“I dunno.  But there’ve been lots of men who despised me even while they were fucking me.  ‘Cos I wasn’t manly enough.   Oh they came beautifully.  Great orgasms.  Just … I wasn’t quite up to it.  You know.  Being a real man.  Even though I am ‘so beautiful’.”  He would have put air quotes round those words, but he had to convey his sarcasm in his voice, because ever since he had seized Cody’s cock he had been gently massaging it, and as it was now starting to firm up nicely he had no intention of stopping.  “So, it’s not that.  They like me for what I am.  For me.”  He leaned forward and put his mouth on Cody’s cock and kissed it.  Cody’s body twitched, and Luigi took that for assent.  He swallowed the head of the other man’s cock deep into his mouth, and was happy to feel it swell to its full extension as he caressed it with his tongue.  Yes!  I will make him forget, teach him to love again.  

He brought Cody to the brink of orgasm twice, pulling back each time he felt him start to tense.  On the third time, taking pity on Cody’s incoherent pleas, he kept going.  Cody groaned in ecstasy and jetted his jism into the soft warmth of Luigi’s mouth.

They kissed, Luigi’s mouth flavoured with cum.  Luigi pulled Cody into his arms. 

“You like?”

Unable to speak, Cody simply hid his head in the space between Luigi’s head and his shoulders.

“I’ll be here for you Co, love.  Any way you want.”

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424

He kissed the back of Cody’s neck again.

Cody turned to look at him, his eyes immeasurably sad.

“I do love you Cody.  And I’m here for you.  We’ll get through this time, and things’ll get better.”

Cody didn’t answer.

Luigi kissed him on his lips, but Cody remained passive beneath him.

Luigi kissed him again, with resolution.  He lifted Cody’s T-shirt and began to kiss his nipples and the line of hair trailing towards his groin.  He ran his tongue down the indentation in the middle of Cody’s stomach until he reached the button of his jeans.  He undid the button and pulled down the zip.  He pressed his nose against Cody’s trunks and breathed in the rich odours of his groin.  He nipped Cody’s cock through the soft fabric of Jason’s trunks.  He moved back up Cody’s torso, back to his mouth.

Cody remained inert.

Luigi sat up, and tugged Cody’s jeans and undies down to his knees.  “Never,” he said, grabbing Cody’s cock, “never have I failed to give a man a hard-on yet!”

Luigi looked so indignant that Cody gave him a watery grin. 

“It’s just … Lou …. It’s not you … but after …”

“I know, love.  But … I want you to enjoy love again.  What he did wasn’t love.  What he did was a perversion.  Something loathsome.”  He stopped for a minute, still holding Cody’s cock in his hand.  “I’ve had my bad times.  I whored around.  Some of it for money.  Some of it for companionship.  I hated myself, see.  Being gay and swishy.”

“Don’t hate yourself, Lou.  You’re a top bloke.  And anyway, I haven’t exactly been a saint.  And I hate myself too.”

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Majorca Flats -- 356

After, Jason lay with his head on Keith's chest.

“How straight are you, Key?�?

“Haven't we just shown that?�?

“Well, before Brent, I had girlfriends. And it was good. But not as good as it was with him. With him—with you and Lou—it feels right. I mean, I s'pose I could have got married and stuff. And been faithful to my wife. But this feels … like it was meant to be.�?

Keith tangled his fingers in Jason's hair. “Yeah. I know what ya meyn. If hadn't had to live on the streyt, then maybe … but, ya knaow, I can't imagine a life without you or Lou. Or Tom.�?

“So did you become gay? If you hadn't had to … �?

“ …. whore? … �?

“... I wasn't going to say that.�?

“But it's true. I'm not ashamed of it. There are much worse thengs.�? Keith was silent for a few breaths. “Selfishness. Cruelty. Lies. But to get back to gayness and such, Oi dunno, to bey honest. Oi reckon … fuck, Jace, Oi dunno. Oi reckon that with the roight person at the roight time I would've found out anyway.�?

“Yeah?�?

“Oi think lots and lots a' blaokes are … not gay … but capable of lovin' another blaoke. But they never foind out. And when they feyl attracted to a blaoke they think it's jus' friendship. And it is. And it's more that friendship too.�?

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