569

Jason smiled at her and then, moving her almost to tears, put his head against her neck and kissed her, before enveloping her in a tight hug.  He moved over to her left, and lay down next to her, his arm over her torso.  She was lying face up, with both men facing towards her and each other.  Jason reached over and ruffled Keith’s hair.  His beam at his friend and Keith’s glowing response might have made her jealous, before. All she could think of, though, was how she had found two someones to love.  She didn’t know what would happen in the future, but she was ready to launch herself into the current, hoping, confident even, that it would take her to happiness.  

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Episodes 1 to 500

567

“Laugh at us, would you?” growled Keith and he bent down to her. In a moment, the thong was pulled back, and his tongue was inside the folds of her body.

Jason kissed her on the lips, his breathing fast, his eyes blazing.  She closed her eyes giving herself over to the sensations from her body, the shining flood of pleasure which filled her from head to toe.  Keith moved his mouth slowly up from her cunt to her breast.  Each moment’s delay from climax was unbearable.  Jason took Keith’s place at her pussy.  She was close to coming. 

“Wait!” she said.

Keith lifted his mouth from her breast, and Jason from her groin. 

“What?” asked Keith.

“I want you inside me,” she replied.

Keith smiled, a smile which flipped her heart over, and reached for the top drawer of bedside cabinet.  He took out two condoms, handed one to Jason and tore the other one open.   He slathered his cock with lube, and passed the bottle back to Jason, who was just behind him, his eyes rapt.

He inched into her, waiting for her to clamp tight, ready to withdraw if she did.  He could feel the velvet silkiness of her insides.  Jason turned Keith’s head to one side and kissed him intensely, then bent forward to kiss Esmé.  Knowing now that he wouldn’t hurt her, Keith began to drive into her.  Each thrust rubbed her already wet clitoris, jolting her into spasms of intense pleasure.  Still she hadn’t climaxed.  Keith’s eyes were closed, his head back, his mouth open in ecstasy, as he speeded up his hip movements. 

“I’m—ah—oh God!—it’s ….” And Esmé came, great shuddering jolts to her body, her mind empty of everything except the white flame of her pleasure.  Almost simultaneously, Keith gasped and arched his back as he came too.

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547

“The thing is,” Jason said when they all had coffees in front of them, “I've got something to tell you. I didn't want to say anything before, because I was … I was ashamed. Because of my money, because of my arrogance I didn't help Brent until too late. It was my fault he died.  And I blamed my money for making me arrogant.  So what I decided was that I would do without my money, it could rot, as far as I was concerned.  And so could my so-called friends in England. They always despised Brent, not because—not just because he was gay—but even more because he was working class.  And I did nothing about it. He was worth ten of them.”  He stopped and stared away.  When he looked back at them he had tears in his eyes.  He swallowed, and produced an unconvincing grin.   “Anyway, I've decided to stay here in Australia. I'm going to found a home for gay kids who've been thrown out of their homes by their parent.  So they won't have to go on the streets. Like you had to, Keith.”

“Cool!”—“Genius!”—“Wonderful!” His three friends were enthusiastic.  Cody didn’t speak, but he nodded, unwilling to be a wowser.

Jason held up his hand.  “Wait.  The thing is”—he looked away as he said this—“the thing is that I haven't been honest with you all. Nobody knows this. It's … kind of embarrassing

The others watched him. “We won't judge you, said Esmé gently. “We're your friends.”

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Episodes 1 to 500

546

Esmé didn’t answer her phone, so Jason left her a message.  She’s probly in a lecture, he thought.  He sent her a text message as well.  He wanted all his friends to be together when he told them.

Esmé was old-fashioned about using her smart-phone in lectures.  She turned it to silent when she was in one.  So she only saw the message when she went to get lunch in one of the uni cafés.  She had a prac until 5, but she could walk from the uni to Brunswick Street and get to the café by 5.30.  She texted back her acceptance.

She wondered what he wanted to tell her.  He was special.  She was in love with Keith but Jason was kind and he had a lovely smile and he treated her as a real person.  Keith and Jason and their friends might not be perfect, but they were incomparably better than her father—and her mother, too.  But she thought more charitably of her mother now.  Even though she was still angry at her mother for not protecting her when she’d been abused, she understood intellectually, if not in her heart, how afraid her mother must have been.  She thought back to an article she’d read in the newspaper, about battered women and how they often went back to their husbands because they had no alternative, financially, or stayed with them because they were afraid.  The article said that nearly a hundred women a year died in domestic violence.  She could believe it.

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Episodes 1 to 500 (without pictures, 20 episodes per chapter)   

543

As soon as breakfast was over, Jason rang Luigi. 

“Lou, hey, do you want to meet for coffee later?” 

“Lemme just check with Cody.  I’ll ring you back.  He’s at work now.  Let’s say at 5.30 at the Café Novio on Brunswick?”

“Yep.  I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Good? I hope.”

“Good and bad.  Maybe.”

“You’re going back to England?”  Luigi’s tone betrayed his dismay.

“Nah.  The opposite, actually.”

“So what is it?”

“Heh.  You’ll have to wait and see, gayboy.  Give you something to think about.  See you later, sexy.”

Luigi ended the call a little perplexed and worried.

He told Cody about the phone call when Cody got home.  “You’re a bit worried. What is it?” asked Cody.

“Jason wants to meet us.  He says he’s got something to tell us.”

“D’you think it’ll be something bad?”

“He says not, but, well … he’s a friend.  I’d miss him if he left.”

Cody felt the familiar twinges of jealousy and guilt.

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Episodes 1 to 500 (without pictures, 20 episodes per chapter)   

542

“And now to tell the others.”  Jason sighed.  “It’s going to be hard.  Like coming out.  Because I’ve been lying to them.”

“No you haven’t!” Eleanor was indignant.  “You don’t have to tell people everything about yourself!  You’re entitled to private things.  And if you set aside your money because you wanted it to not be significant in your life, then, why should you tell them about it?”

“Well, I did say, when I told them about Brent, that I was rich and that was part of what … so they do know that.  But the title … and all that family history, going back nine hundred years.  It’s … too much.”

“Well, I’ve always thought that business of assessing a family just by its male members was silly.  What about all the ordinary women who married into the family?  There must have been some.  I mean, when you go back far enough, all of us have hundreds of ancestors. You’ve probably got a few peasants in your ancestry! But don’t ignore the power of a title in Australia.  You will be newsworthy.  And some people will be hostile, just because you have a title.  You should be able to use it to get publicity, to persuade people to give your home money.  Anyway, I don’t think they’ll care.  It’s …” she coloured slightly and looked away, ‘it’s not as if they don’t know you, um, intimately.”

It was Jason’s turn to blush.  He cleared his throat.

Lucasta said, “Well, my dear, certainly I have some quite ordinary people in my family tree like the wife of my grandfather who was a dancer from Paris so useful to be able to dance I loved it with your grandfather and that was partly why I learned French you know which I love and I remember her quite well such a pretty elegant woman with a charming accent she used to call me darleeeng when I was little and tell me fairy tales in French but I think there were many who cut her and grandfather because of who she was so cruel and stupid really.  And here I am your grandmother and so proud of you my dear.”

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Episodes 1 to 500 (without pictures, 20 episodes per chapter)   

515

He heard his grandmother come into the sitting room.

She looked at him, worry in her eyes, but as usual she spoke around what concerned her.

“Eleanor and I are such fans of Amantha Masterton. Her and yes I know it’s a he but I still feel that she is a she and I know it will all become clear when I meet him I’m getting into such a muddle like that time in France when your Grandfather had a funny turn on the Metro and I couldn’t think straight and forgot all my French which is ridiculous since I learnt it as a child from dear Mde Bertrand so kind I had quite forgotten her till this very instant and I forgot all my French too which was most awkward because I kept on calling for “docteur, docteur” but of course it’s médécin I went quite dilly with worry.”  She was looking at him now with great anxiety and he knew his grief was showing clearly on his face.  He answered her unuttered question.

“I was thinking about Brent, grandam.  I’ve made new friends here, far more than I thought I would.  And I’m very fond of them.  But …”

“Quite.  I used to go round the house looking for things which reminded me of your grandfather but it was silly I knew it was just that it all helped.  I had rather a row with Canon Green about it and the justice of God there’s some word for it which I forget—“

“—theodicy—“ interjected Jason.

“—well there you are exactly such a strange word like Theodore who was a friend when I was up at Oxford and come to think of it I’m sure he was queer but he was a very dear man.   Where was I?”

Jason wondered which of all these effusions she would fix on.  His lips quirked up a little.  As usual, his grandmother had improved his mood.  Her good-humoured babble and her underlying love and care warmed his heart.

She continued without waiting for his answer.  “Oh yes, quite so, theo-whatsit and Life which seems to me to be another word for God but Canon Green disagreed and he is so passionate about God’s Love and was quite discomforted by my mentioning Job which always seems to me to be a very bleak view of the world and of God so duplicitous and really one shouldn’t do good just because there is some reward on earth or in heaven so complicated but because you must.  In the end, you know, it was you and Amanda and Mark and my friends and Parker who helped me recover after your grandfather’s death.  And your friends will help you and it’s good you’ve made them.”  She smiled tentatively at him.

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492

“Look, I don’t have to have sex with them.  But I do love them, Coads.  And the way I see it, they are my friends, and they’re sexy, and why not?  And they’re just so kind and generous.  And you know what, I think they’ll be your friends too.  They’re not a threat to you and me.  More of a support.   They won’t come between you and me.  They’ll support me any way they can.  They’re top blokes, Cody love.  The best around.”

“I thought … they seemed …. I dunno.  Withdrawn.  From me.  A little.”

“They’ve only just met you!  And they knew about me and you before.  I told them about us.”

Cody was silent.

“Cody, they won’t judge you.”

“Jason has already warned me not to break your heart again.”

Luigi didn’t know whether to furious or grateful for this evidence of his friends’ concern.  He felt tears prick his eyes.  Trying to keep his voice steady he said, “I think you need to get to know them.  And then you’ll understand.”

“All right,” Cody conceded the point.  After another couple of kilometres of their journey, he said, “Lou, just now I thought I was OK.  But it just … it all seems so hard.  I loved Phillippa.  And I love you.  And I … I’m not gay.  I … love you Lou.”

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Episodes 1 to 480 (without pictures, 20 episodes per chapter)  

453

When Jason got there, The Lord Grey was busy, as it almost always was at that time of the evening.  He started work immediately. 

In a lull, he and Keith rested on the counter, side by side, their bodies touching.  It was comforting to be close to each other, a natural intimacy and companionship.

“D’ya think Cody and Lou will work it out?” asked Keith.

“I dunno.  Cody is bi.  He’ll need women.  Or anyway, lust after them.”

“Well, I like women too.  I dunno.  I kinda think that if my dad hadn’t chucked me out, I’d still be there, straight.”

“I thought he threw you out because you were gay?” asked Jason, close enough to Keith to feel the warmth of his body, to smell his body, fresh and older sweat after a day of work, Keith’s own essence.  Being there with him at that time seemed exactly right.  Perfect. 

“There is that,” conceded Keith.

Their conversation was interrupted by several blokes coming up at the same time to the bar for drinks.  Jason wondered why it always happened like that, like starlings or pigeons.

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Episodes 1 to 260 (without pictures, 10 episodes per chapter 

411

Esmé didn’t tell Keith about her father for another six months.  He never mentioned the scars.  He never even let his eyes flick towards her sleeves.  But on the hottest days, when a torrid northerly would make Melbourne temporarily uninhabitable, she longed to be able to wear short-sleeved shirts.  But she never did.  She envied his ability to wear a T-shirt.

One Friday night, they had drunk a little more brandy than usual, and were both feeling mellow.  The café had a miniscule back garden, with high creeper-clad walls, and a creaky old bench.  They took their brandy snifters out with them and sat at each end of the bench and talked.  It was a very warm night, and the air was filled with all the smells of the city: garlic; meat cooking; car fumes; hot bricks; coffee; rancid cheap scent; and also, enchantingly, the sweet heady orange-blossom opulence of the cream flowers on the creeper.  From a restaurant a few doors down came the muffled lilt of swing, played by a jazz band in the authentic style.

“So,” he said, “how’s French goin’?”

“Bearably.  I have an essay due on Monday.”

“You workin’ tomorrow?”

“Yes.  Boring.”

“Pays the rent.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in a companionable silence for a while longer.

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Episodes 1 to 260 (without pictures, 10 episodes per chapter

410

After the first time, Keith would drop in a few times a week, just before closing, and they would have a coffee (if the machine was still on), or a tea, with or without a dollop of brandy, and talk.

One night, they were alone in the café, the café door was locked, and without thinking Esmé pulled up her sleeves.  Keith saw the scars on her forearm and looked up and met her gaze, his brown eyes dark with some indecipherable emotion.  Without a word, he gently lifted her arm and kissed the scars.

If he’d said anything she would have broken down and wept, and she would never have been able to forgive him or to be comfortable with him again.  But he at once, very calmly, as if nothing had happened, began to talk about what he called ‘my latest conquest’.  

“Such a dag,” he said.  “Wears Target jeyns.”

“So do you!” His tact filled her with gratitude.  She was ready to play any game to please.

“Yeah, but on mey they look stunnin’.”  He cocked his head on one side and waited.  She just smiled, glad she could.

“You’re supposed to agrey!  Not jus’ stare at mey as if I’m demented.”

“Oh, precisely!  You’re just simply an amazing stunner!  Who cares if you’re a dag!”

“Natch.”  He stood up from the table, and bowed.  “Keith the stunner à votre service."

“Dill.”

And quite suddenly, they were friends.

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Episodes 1 to 260 (without pictures, 10 episodes per chapter

407

Esmé’s TER score was high enough for her to choose any course of study at uni.  But she didn’t want to be a doctor or a lawyer.  She wanted to study French.  For her it was still a gateway to enchantment, a getaway from what had been done to her.  It was the romance of a different culture, of a far-away place, of escape from hell, that attracted her.  Once, she’d explained the attraction to Luke, who was studying the French horn at the music conservatorium.  He said that being big helped you play the horn; and also that not many people took it up because it was so fiendishly difficult, so his chances of getting a post afterwards in a real orchestra were much better than with other instruments.  They had to move house twice because their housemates complained about the racket. (Mozart’s second racket).  They stayed together when they moved, because each was the other’s best friend.  Esmé rather liked the sound of the French horn.  Especially when it was muted by distance.

“It’s always my friend,” she answered when he’d asked what was so special about French.  “No unpleasant arguments.  Always there, happy to let me share.”

“Yeah, that’s like me and food!  My best friend.” 

Esmé knew Luke well enough to hear the bitterness underneath the seemingly unemotional words.

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406

She excelled at school.  She endured the school awards ceremonies, trying not to visibly shrink from the hand of her father placed on her shoulder while he pretended to be an ordinary dad instead of a monster.  In her finals, she achieved a TER score of 99.9, placing her in the top 0.1 per cent of school leavers.    

She didn’t tell Luke everything about what her father was doing to her, and the indifference and cowardice of her mother, but she did mention that she wasn’t very happy at home, and Luke, who had also been accepted into Melbourne University, suggested that they share a flat.  He explained how she could get Centrelink, and how it would be more if she was “independent”.  He was happy at home, but happy also to move into a flat or a shared house.

“I’ll be able to bring guys home,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

Esmé entered into this game with spirit.  “Me too!”

They laughed together.  Two more tragic losers you couldn’t hope to find anywhere, she thought bitterly to herself. 

She left home without saying goodbye.  There was nothing for her there, except wretched memories and deep unhappiness.  She did leave a note, though, for her mother.  It was short, and brutal.  “Ma, I’m leaving home.  You know why.  I hope I never see you or dad again.”

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391

Cody had been standing just out of sight behind Jason, feeling more and more uncomfortable.   He stepped forward, his expression bleak.

“Oh, there you are, Cody!  There’s bacon and toast in the kitchen.”  Eleanor had wondered whether Luigi and Cody would stay and was pleased that they had.

Cody was warmed at the genuine welcome in her voice.  He greeted both of the old ladies.

“I slept so late this morning as if I were young again on the razzle dancing till dawn but Mrs Cumberledge explained that it’s really jetlag so barbarous and tiresome but I feel much more alert than I did yesterday morning such a long flight even from Kuala Lumpur and dear Lucy Anstruthers looked after me so well but then I’m not as young as I used to be, am I?”  She smiled beatifically at them.  Cody was reassured by all this benevolent nonsense.  When he turned to look to see how Jason was taking it, he detected a small quirk to his lips which showed his amusement and affection.  Jason caught his gaze and their eyes locked for what seemed forever but could only have been one or two seconds. In the other man’s eyes Cody read attraction, goodwill, forgiveness, judgement.

Acceptance.

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Majorca Flats -- 322

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“Lou.�?

“Yeah?�?

“We've found Cody.�?

“Where? I've been looking everywhere. I was worried sick. How did you find him? What was he doing? Is he all right?�?

“We'll discuss it loiter. Just get here as quick as ya can.�?

“Where are you?�?

“At Jason's ploice. Majorca Flats.�? He gave Luigi the address and disconnected.

“He's on his woi.�?

“Who?�? asked Eleanor.

“Luigi,�? answered Jason. “You remember? We were talking about him just before we started to look for Cody.�?

“Ah, yes,�? replied Eleanor, still not clear in her mind who was who and who was who's special friend. What a silly phrase, she thought. Like 'walking out'. All these euphemisms for 'love' and 'lover'. Lovers and friends. How different to her childhood. But rather refreshing, in truth. Pushing all these thoughts out of her mind, she went through to the kitchen to make sandwiches and tea. Reliable comforts in uncertain times.

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