As they drove down the freeway into the city, Cody spoke, carefully, in a
tone calculated not to be aggressive or disagreeable. “Lou, love, I dunno how homo I am.”
Luigi sighed to himself. Not this again, he thought. “Yeah, I know,” he said aloud. Don’t I
just!
“How do your mates Jason and Keith cope?” Cody asked, his voice and his
whole demeanour humble.
I don’t want him to be grateful
and humble, thought Luigi. I want him to be confident and strong. Jeez! I’m so mixed up. I liked him better when he was arrogant and
charming. What a tool I am! Always
looking for a man who’ll do me down and desert me in the end! Idiot!
“Why don’t we ask them?” he said out loud, trying not to show his
disparate feelings. “They’re nice
blokes, Coads. They’re not afraid to
talk about stuff. Both of them have been
through very bad things … and it’s made them … I dunno …. Wiser. Kinder. Thing is, Coads love, I’m a homo
through and through. There is no way I
could get it up with a woman.” Cody put his hand on Luigi’s knee and muttered
something. Luigi ploughed on. “But Jace and Key? Well, I think Key is maybe more straight than
gay. He has sex with men because he
likes sex. But also, I think he’s half
in love with Jason. And Jason is still in love with his guy in
England who killed himself …” Cody murmured something, but again Luigi overrode
it. He wanted to say this. “… and I
think he’s more gay than straight but he has had girlfriends, he said. He likes
sex too, but what he wants is … love.
What he had with his guy in England.”
“D’you think he’ll find it? Again,
I mean.”
“I dunno. He’s very fond of me and
Keith. I dunno that it’s love, though. What he had with his cricket player was. It was special.” Luigi was silent for a while, negotiating a
difficult intersection with traffic lights and two tram routes. “Maybe there is just one or two great loves
in your life, Cody. Maybe all the others
are different. Not that you don’t love
them but when you are in love it’s an obsession. Almost like a mania. A madness.
A heavenly madness while it lasts, but definitely not completely sane.”
No comments:
Post a Comment