Esmé and Keith met again that
night, after the café and the bar had closed.
They went back to his flat and made love. And again the night after. But the night after that, Esmé wasn’t
working. She wished she worked every
night at the café, so that she could meet Keith every night. She knew she shouldn’t monopolise him but she
couldn’t help herself. He made her
happy. She knew somewhere inside that he
was gay. But he was so loving to her
that she thought he’d changed, that he loved her so much that he’d set aside
his gayness to be with her. That he was
no longer interested in men.
Even though she wasn’t working,
she decided she’d go down to the bar and surprise him. She normally cycled to work, but she decided
to take the tram. It took her a little
longer than she’d thought. As she
stepped down from the tram at the stop just before The Lord Grey, she caught
sight of Keith. He had his back to
her. He was pressed up against another
man, kissing him, his hands gripping the other bloke’s buttocks, his groin grinding
against the other man’s.
She turned quickly and walked away
from the bar. She didn’t want Keith to
see her shame. Her humiliation was
complete.
She caught the tram home and let
herself in as quietly as she could. She
did not want Luke to see her like this. In
the privacy of her room, she took the razor and cut deeply into her arms. Stupid! she
said to herself, angry, as she did it. Stupid!
You knew you could never be happy.
You knew that it would all be taken from you. You knew that. But still you hoped. Fool!
Cretin! Idiot!
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