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Colin left his car and walked towards the turnoff to
the Cross. He stood behind a bush
watching the road from the south. He was
getting antsy waiting for the car to come up the mountain. Every second lasted an hour. He felt his responsibility for Luigi and
Cody. The interview he’d had with Cody
was etched into his memory. And he
remembered Luigi’s grace and compassion and strength. He’d been amused to catch the looks form Luigi
which hinted at desire. Colin knew he
was 100% straight. He admired Luigi’s
beauty the same was he admired a van Gogh painting or a Bach quartet. Luigi, beautiful as he was, did nothing for
him. But, perhaps because he was so sure
of his own heterosexuality, he wasn’t afraid of gays, he didn’t despise them,
and he didn’t think he needed to fuss about them, even if from time to time
they cast eyes of approbation and desire at him. He liked Luigi and he was sorry for Cody, and
he took the police motto with real sincerity and passion. Uphold
the right. Up until a few years ago
it had been “Tenez le droit”, and secretly he preferred the former French motto. As he’d said to Luigi, he’d always wanted to
be a policeman. He’d never forgotten his
pride at the passing out ceremony at the Victorian Police Academy, at the
taking of the oath which made him a police officer:
I, Colin Pierre
Andrew de Graves swear by Almighty God that I will well and truly serve our
Sovereign Lady the Queen as a police officer in Victoria in any capacity in
which I may be appointed, promoted, or reduced to, without favour or affection,
malice or ill-will for the period of five years from this date, and until I am
legally discharged, that I will see and cause Her Majesty's peace to be kept
and preserved, and that I will prevent to the best of my power all offences,
and that while I continue to be a police officer I will to the best of my skill
and knowledge discharge all the duties legally imposed on me faithfully and
according to law.
He’d chosen the religious affirmation over the secular
one because he did still believe in God, despite the behaviour of the
Church. He prayed now, his heart full,
“Lord, save Cody and Luigi, and if it be your will,
lead the Killer to repentance. And give
me the courage and strength and insight to do what is right.”
This was the first time he might have to use his
weapon. It was the first time he might
have to kill someone to save someone else.
He had no doubt that he could and would do it. He did not know how he would feel afterwards,
but in his own mind, his duty was clear. He had to save Luigi and Cody. If he couldn’t also save the Killer, well, so
be it. Like Esmé, he wondered what had
driven the Killer to kill. Like Esmé, he
knew that he would do his duty, whatever it was. I hope,
he thought, I won’t make a fool of myself.
He didn’t even think that he might himself be killed.
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