444

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe go to the Healesville sanctuary wildlife park.  Grandam hasn’t seen kangaroos.”

“Or platypuses. They have a huge pond with glass walls so you can see them swimming underwater.”

“Sounds cool.”

“Do you know how to get there?”

“No, but I ‘spect Eleanor does.  But maybe grandam is still too tired for an outing.”

“Well, you could drive to the Dandenongs.  They’re before Healesville, and they’re beautiful.  ‘Specially at this time of the year.”

“I’ll talk to them.  See what they suggest.  Will you need me at the pub tonight?”

“It would be handy between 9 and 11.  You knaow how busy it gets then.”

“OK.  I’ll see you at nine.”

“Noine it is.”  

He kissed Jason again, with tongue.  They drew apart, both of them aroused.  They simultaneously grinned in sheer delight.

“And of course, you’ll come back here afterwards.”  Jason’s eyes glinted.

“Naow.  I think I’ll laive ya to stew!” 

“A sadist as well as a perve,” mocked Jason. 

“That’s me,” agreed Keith placidly and went off to say goodbye to Lucasta and Eleanor.

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443

Jason closed the door after Cody and Luigi had left.  

“When have you got to go to work tonight, Key?”

“I start at one pm, today.  Tom said I could start later if I wanted, to spend some toime with you.  But I knaow he naids my work.  He hasn’t got anybody else.”

“He’s a nice bloke.  His bark is worse that his bite.”

“Yeah.  He a top blaoke.”  Keith met Jason’s eyes and didn’t look away.

Jason took Keith’s hand in his.  “I don’t mind that you love him or that you fuck,” he said softly. 

“I know,” answered Keith, his brown eyes warm with love and affection. 

Jason leaned in and kissed him on his cheek.  As he was doing it, over Jason’s shoulder Keith saw Lucasta come round the corner from the kitchen.   He startled, but Lucasta just smiled and swept off round the next corner. 

Jason felt Keith tense, and looked round just in time to see his grandmother disappear.

“That’ll teach you,” he grinned, lightly punching Keith’s shoulder.  “You perve!”

“You kissed me!  Will she …. Will it be a problem?”

“No. She’s grand in more than one way.”

“Good!”  And Keith pulled Jason into a tight embrace and kissed him.

And so, when Lucasta came out of the toilet on her way back to the sunny veranda, she was treated to the sight of two young men kissing.

So intense young love it’s good that Jason has found somebody— somebodies—to love but I wonder whether it will all last it did with Harold and me despite the secretary poor creature I was the one who kept him in the end until the end but how will these young men sort out their affairs so complicated all these alliances but I do think Jason looks happier that he did before he left England poor dear boy.

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442

Normally, Luigi preferred coffee, but if he drank coffee it had to be of the best.  And he couldn’t make it as well as the cafés on the street.  Tea was different.  Too many cafés used tea-bags instead of leaf tea, and he could make tea with tea-bags just as well and more cheaply at home.  And, anyway, he knew Cody preferred tea.  He took the mugs of tea and a plate of toast with butter through to the bedroom, and set it down on the bedside table.

Cody was still sleeping.  He kissed him on his shoulder.

“Tea?” he asked.

Cody rolled over to face him and opened sleep-drugged eyes.  For an instant fear filled his eyes and then he relaxed.  He smiled. 

“There’s hot buttered toast, too.”

“My favourite,” murmured Cody, stretching and yawning at the same time.

Luigi climbed into bed again.  It was chilly.  Winter was on the way.

After they had sipped their tea and eaten the toast, Cody said, “You know what’s wrong with eating toast in bed?”

“Nothing?” suggested Luigi, moulding himself more closely to Cody’s body.

“Crumbs,” disagreed Cody.  “They go everywhere.”

“I’m sure I can lick you clean,” offered Luigi, his eyes shining black.

“Insatiable!”  Luigi could see that Cody was making a determined effort to be happy, and he felt again melancholic.  He’d been through enough depression himself, and he knew how often one could rise out of the swamp only to be sucked back again.  It struck him that he had so often wished for Cody to return, and now he had, yet he still wasn’t happy, for new problems had arisen.

Trying not to show his sadness, he pulled Cody closer.  They would worry about tomorrow when tomorrow arrived.

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441

Luigi woke first.  Cody was lying facing away from him.  Carefully, so as not to wake the other man, he slipped out from under the covers.  As he lifted them off Cody’s body he caught sight of the small square of flesh cut from the other man’s buttocks.  His heart ached inside him.  It was clear and visible evidence of how much Cody had suffered.  Luigi had understood—he had thought that he understood—what Cody had gone through.  But understanding another’s pain always involves the imagination.  We have to somehow get inside the other person’s head.  For the first time, seeing the physical evidence of the horrors Cody had endured, he really grasped just how horrible it must have been.

Luigi only realised he was weeping when he felt the tickle of tears on his cheek.  And it came to him all at once that he might fail; that Cody was too damaged in his heart and soul to recover, to love again properly, to ever again be happy. 

Fuck that!  he thought, suddenly furious.  He would do his fucking best.  And he would use Keith and Jason as well.  Cody would be surrounded with love.  He, Luigi d’Alardino, would fight. And he would win.  He thought then of his grandmother and knew she would also be an ally.  He was not alone.  And Cody wasn’t alone either.

He went through nude into the kitchen and put on the kettle.  Tea. And food.  They always helped.

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440

“So, it was Keith, right?”

Esmé glared at him.  “No, it was Fred.”

“Fred?”  Luke wasn’t sure whether she was teasing him.  “Fred?  I haven’t met a Fred.”

“I don’t bring all my men home, you know.  I mean, hundreds fall at my feet, bow down before me.  Hundreds?  Thousands!”

“Yeah, right.  Like me.  Just a constant stream of sexy studs.  I just fatigued all to hell every morning.”

“Aren’t we just the cat’s pyjamas?”

Luke grinned at her.  “We are.”

“Yeah, well, of course it was Keith.”

Luke looked at her.  Presumably they had made love and it had all worked out but …. Keith was gay.  Mostly.  His own gaydar wasn’t well developed, because he was never sure whether blokes weren’t interested because they were straight or because they were just, well, not interested.  Not that he blamed them.  Who would be in a fat fuck like him? All the same he was certain that Keith was gay.  The way Keith had sassed him out wasn’t the way straight guys looked at another man.  Keith was gay.  Gay-shaded, anyway.  But Esmé seemed so happy.  He didn’t want to spoil that.  When it all went wrong, as it most prolly would, then ….   That would be the time to pick up the pieces.  That was tomorrow’s problem.

“I’m glad,” he assured her.  He meant it.  But all the same, he couldn’t help wondering when he himself would find someone to love.

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439

In the morning, she had to leave early to attend a lecture.  Keith rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of trunks from one of the piles on the floor.  He offered her tea and breakfast but she was afraid to stay, in case it all started to go wrong.  At the door as he kissed her goodbye, she was hesitant. She didn’t know what to say.  She’d never made love with a man before.  She’d never spent the night with one.

He hugged her and kissed her.

“See ya tonoight,” he said.

“Yeah,” she said, glad to run away from the embarrassment, glad also that they were going to meet again.

The whole day at uni she was filled with happiness, going from classroom to classroom in a daze, barely registering what the lecturers said. 

Luke was at the student café in the uni grounds at lunch, sitting as usual at the end of a refectory table by himself, ignored by the students around him.

“Well?” he asked, on a rising tone.

“Well nothing.”

“Something.  You spend the night out and come back looking like the cat that got the cream.  Was it nice?”

She didn’t want to talk about it.  Talking would spill the happiness.  It had to be kept secret, private, or the happiness would vanish.

“Yeah.”  She grinned defiantly at him.

“Well, tell me, then.”

“No.”

He looked so hurt she amended that to, “maybe later,” and then added, reluctantly, “but it was good.  Mostly.”  She didn’t want to talk about how she’d tightened up.  That was too personal even for Luke.  She was suddenly filled with melancholy and amazement that she shared something intensely private about herself with another man, now.  Not her father.  Nor her best friend.  Just a bloke she’d met in a café.

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438

He softly lifted her off his arm, and began to stroke her body.  His hands were warn and made her skin tingle.  Once more, his mouth moved down her torso, slowly, tantalisingly, and reached her pussy.  His tongue moved into body.  Her whole self had shrunk down to just this exquisite, almost unbearable bliss.  It seemed an age and also far too short a time until waves of pleasure moved out from her groin through her body, intense pleasure, so strong it was kin to pain.  But she knew the difference.  She knew pain.  This was new.  This was ecstasy.  This was something she had never experienced before.  

Keith held her close until she had stopped shaking.  Then he lifted his head from her body and looked at her, his face shining with triumph and pleasure and gladness. 

He cradled her in his arms and she rested her head on his chest. She could hear the solid reassuring thump of his heart.  Her head rose and fell with each breath he took.

I shall never be happier, she thought.  Already she was locking away her memories deep in her heart.  She didn’t trust that her happiness would last.  It never had before.  After a while, he said to her, “now you must do me.”

She coloured.  She hadn’t thought of that.  She’d assumed—she didn’t know what. 

“Here!” he said, giving her a bottle of lube.  “Squirt some on me, and then put your hand round me.”

She did as he said, glad of his guidance. 

“Now move your hand up and down,” he suggested.

The yellow of the street lights illuminated his body.  She would never forget that oddly coloured half-light of his bedroom, of their first time together.  For her it would always have something other-worldly and fantastical about it.

“Kiss me,” he said, his voice warm.  She could tell he was smiling.

She could taste herself on his mouth. 

She quickly got the hang of it.  In a few moments, he went rigid under her and growled, and jism splashed across his stomach. 

“That was … lovely,” he said, wiping himself down with the trunks he’d been wearing.

Too shy to speak, she burrowed her head into the curve of his neck.

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437

He tugged her down to lie on the bed.  They lay facing each other.  When he smiled at her, she felt certain her smile back was manic and over the top.  But it didn’t appear to faze him.  He moved until his mouth was touched her bare skin.  He kissed thrilling paths down her neck, across her breasts to her groin.  His hand, warm and firm, slid underneath her panties and caressed her bum and then after a spine-tingling pause, her cunt.  He pulled her undies down over her hips, and his mouth moved down and his tongue moved into the folds of her body.

She gasped in surprise and pleasure.  Her father had never done this.  But then, it had never been about her pleasure.

Keith lifted his head and looked at her and his eyes were almost black instead of their usual warm chocolate.  He smiled.  Their enjoyment was shared and mutual in a way that was magical and marvellous to her.

She heard the sound of foil tearing and the snap of a condom.  He lifted his torso off hers and guided himself into her with one hand.

She turned her head sideways.  She felt herself tighten up.  She tried to will herself to open to him.  She couldn’t.  Oh, God, it was going to hurt just as much as it had with her father.

Keith stopped.  “You OK?” he asked, concern in his voice. 

She was unable to speak.  A tear trickled down her cheek.  She couldn’t meet his anxious look.

He abruptly pulled out of her.  Don’t go, she wanted to cry.  Don’t!  And then, Dad has won after all.  Why did I ever think it would be all right?  What a fool I am!

Keith pulled her into his arms and held her close.  His eyes smouldered with anger.  But his rage was not for her—his voice was gentle.  He kissed away her tears.

“It’s OK, Ezzaloona-babe.  There’s more than one way to make love.  Let me shaow you.”

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436

Keith kissed her again. He slid his hand over her bum, underneath the waistband of her jeans.  They were warm against her flesh.  He squeezed gently.  His lips and tongue plundered her mouth.  He kissed his way down her neck to the hollow between her shoulder bones, pulling the neck of her t-shirt down to reach it.  He lifted her t-shirt off her head, and undid her bra.  He kissed her breasts softly and she felt them tighten as wires of lust and pleasure stretched to her groin.

Her father had only ever bothered to do this the first few times he had sex with her.  Before he’d started to hit her.  She hadn’t known how good it could be.

He undid the button on her jeans and pulled the zip down.  He lent in to kiss her neck, then knelt to kiss her stomach and her hips just above the line of her jeans waist.  Then he tugged her jeans down.  They puddled round her feet.  His tongue traced a charged trail down from her breasts to the top of her panties. He kissed her just above the elastic.

He rose and tried to tug her into the bedroom.  “Just a minute!” she whispered, and kicked off her shoes before stepping out of her jeans. 

The bed was unmade and next to it on the carpet were spread discarded undies and t-shirts and socks.  It didn’t bother her. 

Keith kept hold of her hand.  They kissed again as they sat on the edge of the bed.  For the first time she returned his kisses, copying what he did, knowing no other example.

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Episodes 1 to 260 (without pictures, 10 episodes per chapter